I am not an alcoholic, but I consider myself better than anyone who is, I just don’t have the attention span for it. I do enjoy a smokey Scotch very much, and plan to have one just as soon as the clock reaches an hour which makes it socially acceptable to do so. Tragically, daily distractions could easily derail me from opening the liquor cabinet and honoring my commitment. Then, later tonight, after I place my head on my pillow, I will be jolted upright with the realization I had forgotten to drink.
I would be a terrible alcoholic.
It is for this very same reason I do not make New Years Resolutions. I could never stick to them. I do mock anyone else’s attempt at self improvement and wish you all the best of luck. For the next thirty days it will be difficult to find a parking spot at my local gym, but come Valentines Day, I will be able to park right up front as I usually do.
I am reminded of the words of Mark Twain who openly mocked the resolution tradition in a column he wrote for the Virginia City Territorial Enterprise, Jan. 1, 1863.
Mark Twain Wrote: “Now is the accepted time to make your annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”
Happy New Year!
DE Haines
Twisted Words OF D.E. Haines 