Whenever I begin to feel overwhelmed and inadequate, I attempt an honest assessment of where I am in life. The assessment includes asking myself: what are the things I’m doing well, and where do I need to do better? The answers usually restore a sense of balance while also exposing fair solutions.
I refer to this self-assessment as a “Pulse-Check.” I began this practice as a young apprentice, trying to learn a trade. I found that after spending time hyper-focused on things I did not fully understand, and tasks I was yet to master, feelings of inadequacy and doubt would take hold. A “Pulse-Check” allowed a fair examination of all I had learned versus things I needed to learn and would serve as motivation to continue, while restoring my confidence.
My latest “Pulse Check” revealed a glaring fault I seem a long way from overcoming. This fault is the major obstacle in my completing my current projects. I am deadline driven! Without a looming deadline staring me in the face, I will continue to fuddle about, replacing one word with another, rewriting sentences in an endless hunt for literary perfection. Something I’m unlikely to ever achieve.
I deemed a pulse Check necessary after coming across Stephen King’s “Twenty Rules for Writers.” On first reading it was instantly apparent I was in violation of nearly all of Mr. Kings Rules. The first rule gives a writer three months to produce a, fairly, clean first draft of a novel. I’m nearing the two-year mark. I was so inspired by these rules, I immediately set out to get my novel on the fast track to completion.
I was stricken with tunnel vision, ignoring every other project I have in the works, including, this Blog. Each morning, I awoke and enthusiastically went into my writing room. Words came in a rapid-fire array onto my computer screen as producing a finished project finally seemed within reach.
It was all going well until a quick web-check brought up my website sitting idle and neglected. The image festered until last night, When I was no longer able to ignore my commitment to Blog. I’ll just post a quick note I told myself, maybe a Mark Twain quote before returning to the book. Simple solution.
The problem with simple solutions is that they are not always so simple. Without my complete focus, my writing is nothing more than a benign, lifeless assortment of words, unworthy of publication. All attempts to breathe life into my computer screen failed miserably! I went off to bed with visible flop-sweat on my brow.
This morning, I woke up, stumbled to my computer, and stared at a blank screen for a while. I became overwhelmed with self-doubt, which triggered another Pulse Check. The results reveal a stubborn determination to achieve some level of success as a writer. My intention to finish my book and promptly begin another. To maintain a Blog-site worthy of attention. I also intend to finish and record the songs I currently have in progress – three of which are complete and are waiting to be recorded. A dozen more languish in various stages.
In closing, I wonder if I accomplished anything publishing this post. My fear is that it may read like a pity party, which was not my intent. Perhaps, another aspiring writer will find comfort in sharing the struggle with another. The reader may see a little of themselves in this post, or maybe they’ll find some humor in this self-assessment. I await your comments.
As for me, I feel re-energized having cut enough material from this post to fill the next Blog.
Stay tuned and thank you for reading. I appreciate your time.
DE Haines
Twisted Words OF D.E. Haines 